update

Hi Reader and the other Reader,

I’m learning so many things in my junior year. I’m learning how to manage my own money (through mistakes, of course…) I’m learning how to manage people (through mistakes, of course…hah), I’m learning more about God, and I’m learning more about…what it means to capitalize the  ‘h’ in Him or the ‘g’ in God…

but I’m finding it hard to reflect and see patterns where God has been working/improving/removing… I’m usually really good at reflecting but this whole school year, whenever I try to reflect, I get all intimidated and can’t really see much of anything, despite the fact that I KNOW things are changing.

It’s amazing to think that exactly a year ago from today, I was in a completely different place in life, wanting completely different things, WORRYing about completely different {idiotic} things…and although many things have changed, one thing has not : I have NOT stopped worrying.

I can’t tell you how many times I think about those freaking lilies clothed in all of Solomon’s splendor or whatever, or those freaking birds in the trees loving their little nests and what not, OH and all of those damn quotes from “Joie de Vivre” about living in the present and yaddayadda, but I can’t help but worrrry! Anddd I outsmart myself, using “wonder” in the place of “worry” as if I could ever trick God with my intentions…

Anyway, I think all of us “worry-ers” should start a support group…I’ll call it, “We live each day in the present. now!! collective.”

What all of my new worries is now telling me is this:

There are so many ‘new’ things I am running after and the farther I’m running, the more costly this run is becoming…

But I’m finally beginning to understand a little bit more of what it means to love God.

and the scariest thing? There are way more people than I thought, that don’t know God’s love. at all.

so yeah. that’s quite a damper to my days lately.

and on top of that, my other daily worries about my future.

yes……….

I’ve caught myself throwing deadlines at God lately.

Not the “YOU HAVE THREE DAYS TO HEAL MY EYES” kind of deadlines, but the “THIS APPLICATION IS DUE IN TWO WEEKS AND YOU STILL HAVEN’T CONFIRMED A SINGLE THING!!!!!!!!” type of deadine.

Mike Bickle was talking about how the greatest prayer we can pray is about me receiving MORE of God. It is not the ONLY prayer we should pray, but it is supreme.

Maybe its a good thing I’m dealing with this now instead of my last semester of college (which is ONLY a year from now, God-willing.)……… but world, Reader, I’m trying really hard to stay calm.

There are moments where I meet with God and I’m just like… blown away by his awesomeness and I’m left wanting more…but hten there are those moments where I’m like… walking to class and I get all panicky because I still haven’t decided if I want to study abroad or apply to Sadie or what. I don’t know what I want to do….

Maybe I need to stop asking God, “WHAT do you want me to do this summer?” “How should I spend my summer?” and just go for something.

or maybe I’m just copping out of actually pursuing something bcuz God hasn’t come to me in a burning bush.

blah. there really is nothing better than just resting in His presence, and just BEING with him. although I still have love for Martha. ALWAYS.

gnite.

report card from God.

if God sent me a report card from heaven, I would see a big fat ‘F’ for fasting (PUN INTENDED!).

haha

i just wrote a really negative (but short!) post on some things I heard someone say about Haiti and why the earthquake happened.

the whole time I felt like God was telling me not to. but I was blind in my annoyance and I published it.

Then I stood up to hop into bed when I remember Jesus’ love.

and the fact that Jesus wouldn’t have wrote a love-repelling angry wordpress post.

so I took it down.

……..trying to love love love love curazzzy love.

Like, totally in the mood for a survey.

So my one class got cancelled today due to icy roads. My teacher kept talking about the county she was driving from and I have no idea what she’s talking about. Either way, I HAVE NO CLASS TODAY. I guess I could go to work…but I don’t want to. Instead I’m gonna do this survey!

LAST PERSON WHO:
1. Slept in bed beside you: Cindy Bindy!
2. Saw you cry: I can’t remember the last time I like CRIED…beside random ppl that might have seen me at ministry meeting……. MOLLAH!
3. Went to the movies with you: my 239423 cousins when we went to watch Sherlock HOLMES!!
4. You went to the mall with: oh man it’s been awhile…Sunny, Joe, Billy and Josh, round christmas time!
5. You went to dinner with: Semy, Jennifer, Cindy, Maria & Haems last nightt.
6. You talked on the phone: Haemi. I was too lazy to get out of bed. HAHA
7. Said I love you to you and really meant it: my dad!
8. Broke your heart: my youth group. HAHA but. in a good way.
9. Made you really laugh hard: Jennifer/Cindy/Maria/Haemi/Semy. at some point last night. HAHA
WOULD YOU RATHER?
1. Pierce your nose or tongue: NOSE.
2. Be serious or be funny: serious…
3. Drink whole or skim milk: skim skim skimm
4. Die in a fire or drown: drown….i’d rather not have my flesh burn off.

ARE YOU…
1. Simple or complicated: too complicatedddd!
2. Gay: ananda!
3. Hardcore: yeeeyeEEH HOMEES.

DO YOU PREFER. .
1. Flowers or candy: FLOWEERRRSS
2. Grey or black: grey
3. Color or black and white photos: colored!
4. Lust or love: Love love love love love
5. Sunrise or sunset: Sunrises!
6. M&Ms or Skittles: …M&Ms. It’s chocolate. yum!
8. Staying up late or waking up early: Staying up late… I wishhhh I could wake up early.

ABOUT YOU!
1. What time is it: 10:35
2. Full name: Joanne Sun Hee Chung
3. Nickname(s): jojo.
4. Where were you born: virginia. i’m still in virginia.
5. What is your birth date: april 23! yay
6. What do you want for 2010: figure out my life. HAHA. j.k, jesus….
7. Where do you want to live: seeing as USA is on its way out, and the whole hegemony issue, I say to South Africa where I can live a modest, simple life and enjoy each day to the fullest.
8. How many kids do you want: 4. three boys, one girl. i only wanna give birth to one though. HAHA
9. What would you want to name a girl: princess. or queen. or unicorns&sunshine.
10. What would you want to name a boy: gladiator.
11. Do you want to get married: yesss

UNIQUE!
1. When you get nervous: sweatyhands! i get all flustered looking … blah.
2. Do you make your bed daily: yes! even if my whole room is a mess, having a made bed makes a huge difference!
3. Which shoe goes on first: right.
4. Ever thrown one at someone: AHHA yes. ask nathan.
5. On average, how much money do you carry on you: none! i use my card. always
6. What jewelry do you wear: one ring, 2 pairs of earrings, necklace.
THIS MONTH, HAVE YOU?
1. Went to school: oh yes i have
2. Bought something you didn’t need: went ebay crazy like an IDIOT!
4. Sang in front of people: AHAAHHA YES. it was horrible. all the kareoke moments were glorious.
6. Been hugged: HAHAH YES.
7. Felt stupid: yeah.
8. Got drunk: no sireeee
10. Danced Crazy: i don’t dance, sorry.
11. Gotten your hair cut: no!
12. Cried: yes yes yes
RANDOM:
What’s your favorite number?: 23, 144.
What color do you wear most?: brown and green. HAHA
Least favorite color?: colors that don’t look good on me?
Anyone ever said you resemble a celebrity?: IF GOLDEEN IS CONSIDERED ONE………….
How do you make money?: work work work, beeyatch. i like to work for and spend my own monies.
One word to describe you?: weird?
Favorite pair of shoes?: mis botas!

THE DIDS:
Did you ever get into a fist fight at school?: yes. i am still the reigning champion fist-fighter.
Did you ever run away from home?: used to daydream about it constantly. HAHA
Did you ever want to be a doctor? yeah
Did you ever want to be a fire fighter?: yeah but the ladders are too high, and their clothes are too heavy.

THE DOS:
Do you know how to swim?: i’d probably not make it very fay…
Do you like roller coasters? if i don’t psych myself out before..
Do you own a bike?: no. my parents promised me a new one for my 12th birthday. i’m 20. yessss.
Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows?: oh heck no

HAPPY SECTION:
Are you a happy person: yeah man. there are so many things to be happy about.
What can make you happy?: some jesus loving.
Is being happy overrated?: no? but you gotta experience sadness too.

HATE SECTION:
Do you actually hate anyone?: nope! that would suck and it would also be a sin.
Ever made a hit list?: not that kinda hit list. HAHAHAA. j.k.

HAVE YOU EVER:
Hugged someone?: HAHA this is stupid.
Been on the phone until the sun came up?:  HAHA yes. but not in a shady way…………….or is it.
Laughed so hard you cried?: last night .. but I can’t rememberrr why.

CURRENT:
Current mood: pleasant. bored.
Current music: none
Current hair style: just woke up hair.
Current windows open: wordpress, twitter, webmail
Current book: my bible
Current desktop picture: some underwater scene that’s low quality. thanks windows.

ok done. and bored. and regretted. HAH BYE

OH man just read this from johnpiper’s site. This excerpt was from a question about how a woman can be healed after her husband cheated on her and had a baby with another woman:

“Justice is rendered on the cross. And if that man repents and believes the blood of Jesus will cover him. And to try to add to the punishment that Jesus received for him will be to do double jeopardy, and it will be to dishonor the Savior.”

Holy, I neverrrr thought about it that way. When someone repents of their sin, you can’t hold it against them anymore; JESUS received the punishment already, and that person is cleansed.

No one ever talks about that part of forgiveness, man.

Justice is rendered on the cross. And if that man repents and believes the blood of Jesus will cover him. And to try to add to the punishment that Jesus received for him will be to do double jeopardy, and it will be to dishonor the Savior.

trying to write as many sentences as i can starting with “I”

Boo so I didn’t get to post much of a ‘welcome 2010′ post, nor a ‘what I’m thankful for” post…. or anything that looked back on the year… I was either 1) too lazy or 2) didn’t have the chance.

But OK. so before my last semester as a junior begins, I will jot some thoughts.

Entering this semester, my heart is really heavy. Heavy with burdens for my fellowship, for my friends, for the nations, for Haiti, for …. so many things…Ever since winter break, this heaviness has been following me…

and praise God for the amazing things that He’s revealed to me, but today, I realized that there is still so MUCH I don’t know, and I am still SO foolishly unequipped…

I guess, in a way, I feel really lost.

I have no idea what I want to do after I graduate anymore. Part of me still wants to write but there are still parts of me that wish I could pursue those random, little things I’ve always wanted to do. I mean, NOW IS THE TIME, right?

I don’t want to pursue an internship this summer. I just want to work and save money for the next step.

I’ve even considered the thought that I’m just too scared of failure to pursue dreams…but I realized that I’m not that complicated…

I guess, the only thing I need right now and the only thing I actually want is to know more about Jesus, to gain a deeper understanding of His love, a fuller knowledge of His grace…to feel the weightless blankets of mercy on my back as I wake up every morning.

and for the first time, there is no second agenda… no plan B.

and it’s freaking scary. Surrendering was only fun when I still had a “If God Fails” plan…

so now is the test of that concept Paul loved so much: to Live is Christ and DIE is gain.

but back to my first sentence, God revealed to me that I don’t need to know the whole picture. I don’t need to know all of his plans. I just have to obey and walk in His way. It’s not that God is withholding things from me. It’s not that at all… i feel like.. instead, He is teaching me to lean MORE on him (Songofsongs 8:5)… but the scary thing is, he KEEPS teaching me this lesson and I’m starting to wonder what exactly He’s trying to use me for that requires so much LESSONS GEEZ!

…[ok it's scary but fun at the same time.]

DREAM. you might not want to read this.

ok I was so unsettled from this dream that I had to come back and write this.

So after dinner [there was a leader's meeting at my house and we had a big ol dinner.], I got reallllllllllllllllly sleepy and passed out on my bed.

so it was like.. the end times
and something happened in the world
and it was so dark outside
and red
dark and red
dark red…………….
and im in my ‘apartment”
but it’s not my current one, or my home
and Cindy is there
and we’re like FURIOUSLY packing
cuz WE GOTTAGO
but cindy is.. obviously. away from hom
so i give her a bag nad I’m filling my jansport duffel
with like..tshirts.. socks, money, passport, ssn card
and i have the deepest sense of urgency
sunheedayy 9:21 pm
and cindy’s all like “……..i’ll give these  back to you”
and im like “LISTEN, I’M SURE IT’LL BE OK. TAKE WHATEVER YOU NEED”
cuz she needs to borrow my clothes/socks
so i just remember packing random tshirts and running into my closet to get stuff and praying
“JESUS, PLEASE KEEP US SAFE”

cuz  i mean, times are tough/shady and two girls travelling alone?
so then i run back out of my closet
and then i hear ppl come in? so.. im not in my apartment anymore, cuz there’s a foyer/lobby type place
and it’s random ccf ppl
and they['re just like.. "heyyyY! WHAT'S UPPPP!!!! let's chill!"
sunheedayy 9:23 pm
and im thinking "O_O .. UHH DON'T YOU NEED TO BE GTTING READY TO RUN"
but for osme reason, i kinda stop what i'm doing so i canw elcome them inside
and instead of yelling at thme to get out and go hide , i'm just liek "heyy! come in, come in," riskcinggm y LIFE
so then next scene
i'm in this huge stadium and its a worship service in north korea
or korea
but im sure it was north korea cuz we were wroshopping in secret
and im constantly looking around
for like army ppl or government workers to come and find us
and my brothers band is leading worship
sunheedayy 9:25 pm
and they need ot move from off the stage and to the side of the satudium.. yano, where ppl sit.. i forget why
so they end up taking our seats
so my group and i get up and try to find new seas
sunheedayy 9:25 pm
and i end up walking into the .. liike.. 'lounge seats' yano hwat i mena
BOX SEATS
of thjis korean government official
and jhe's freaking watching the soccer game againstuganda? [random detail] instead of worshipping
so i’m like… crap. im not allowed to be here
so i’m about to leave
then i woke up.
now i feel this deep really urgent feeling of urgency
and i feel like i need to prepare a bag of stuff, ready to go at a moment’s notice
oojx3 9:26 pm
ohmy
sunheedayy 9:27 pm
yeah
its not like.. it was a nightmare or anything
but i seriously feel like its aw arning
or like.. a “do it, just in case!” kinda thing

ok there are mad typos that i’m too lazy to correct … i was typing. furiously.

gnite.

=== must add more==

ok so what was so crazy and real was that gut-wrenching feeling of knowing that christians [and the real ones] were now forced to go into hiding to avoid … death, torture, slaughter… and i’m wondering if i should have standed my ground and let them kill me but………it was a dream, and i had no control.

that sense of urgency is still so real. it won’t go away! im seriously about to prepare a bag so in a moment’s notice, i’ll be ready to run.

christians in the US are so blessed with religious freedom that i could never imagine not having it. but my dream was SO real, and i fear the day that i’ll have to either bow to another god, or give up my life. but then again, i’m kinda pumped cuz that means that MY FRIEND Jesus is coming.

christians as refugees?………….we’re aliens anyway..

GAHH. and it was scary how those random ccf ppl did not care and were not aware. i think it’s a portrayal of how many “christians” are going to respond in the end times….and many “christians” will receive the mark of the beast.

there’s gonna be a division among christians all around this globe. the division is going to be between the christians who know the truth and accept the truth and accept jesus and the christians who refuse to accept the truth and deny jesus. they’re not going to believe that they have to go into hiding and instead, will try to coexist and prosper in a time when ppl will be receiving the mark of the beast…through their decisions and compromise, they are already branding their allegiance to satan himself.

gah scary.

it’s heaven or hell, man. heaven or hell. spirit or no spirit. jesus or no jesus.

there’s only two gates. and NO. you cannot have it your way.

dang.

how you know..

I always get lazy about blogging, especially after a huge, life-altering experience because the experience seems too big to write into words. Instead they are scribbled into short, incoherent sentences in my journal.

anyway,

retreat was a reality slap in my face and left burdened and heart-broken for our youth.
summit leadership conference was another slap in the face, but also a freaking HUGE embrace from Jesus.

now I have to figure out how much more I want to get involved with IHOP & the prayer movement…

ho man.

I’m still processing and dude IHOP, the prayer room, the sessions……………..were amazing. My foundation was shaken and reaffirmed.

yesss Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord, AMENNN.

and……… I’m not ready for spring semester.

and I’m kind of scared for life.

Psalm 63. yes.

oh and welcome 2010!

thoughts on retreat before i go.

ok so ive been writing this blog in my head since tuesday, but haven’t got a chance to write it down til .. now.

just got back from georgia! christmas there was awesome and man, i love my family <3.

anyway, my point.

ok so retreat:

tuesday we’re praying at the counselor meeting and i ask God, “what can i pray for? what is your heart? what do you want me to know?’

and man, God is so excited to pour out himself into us the next four days. as we choose to seek His name and His love, he is going to go nuts with his gifting. he reminded me of the prodigal son and how the father didn’t wait for homie to walk up the driveway or anything but the moment the father saw his boy “a far way off,” he bolted outta there.

if we even take that glance at God. that first step, that first decision to seek his face, he’s gonna come running.

God is so excited.

and thus,

so am i.

now,

let’s see what happens the next four days. whoo!