HAHA GregLaurie FTW

I can’t tell you how many times God has used my daily Greg Laurie devotions to speak to me and encourage me.

This week has been absolutely chaotic and… today’s devo:

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Keep Running!

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.
—Hebrews 12:1-2

When people say they enjoy running, it makes no sense to me. I don’t enjoy any kind of exercise, but I do it—reluctantly and under protest. My favorite part of a workout is when it is done. I have met people who talk about a runner’s high, which, I am told, happens when endorphins are released. I have never experienced a runner’s high, but one little secret I have discovered is that I always seem to do better when there is someone watching, when there is someone cheering me on.

In the race of life, you are being watched by others who have gone before you, by those who have already run this race. We read in Hebrews 11 about the great men and women of God who served Him faithfully, and they are referred to as “so great a cloud of witnesses” in Hebrews 12:1. Another version puts it this way: “Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins” (msg).

The idea is that you keep running. When I look at the lives of some believers I knew when I first came to Christ, it is sad to see the mess they have made of their lives through wrong choices and by getting sidetracked. Then I can think of others who started their race without much promise, but they are doing very well today. So it is not enough to start well. We need to finish well too.

Keep running. Look to Jesus as the one you are running for. He is watching you. He is urging you on. Are you running to win?

Copyright © 2009 by Harvest Ministries. All rights reserved.

HAHAHAHA!!

thsi week really has been really emotionally tough. i can’t figure out if its because i’m just weak and everybody else’s lives are this chaotic…or I’m not actually weak but my life this semester really has been crazy.

God has been pouring himself OUT but the moment I take my eyes off of him, I am getting swept away into stress, drama, chaos.

OH and lessson learned: no more planning.

Every morning I wake up and a little part of my heart dreads the day. cuz each day that is passing is another day closer to SOMETHING stress-related.

and in learning about the passing of a dear brother’s father, my heart is sinkingggggggggg. fast.

but in all of this, God is really reshaping my heart. so for that reason, I still have joy. miraculously.

perspective from a 50 year old [ish] refugee.

There are few REAL lessons I remember on perspective. The only other lesson I remember at the moment is the one I learned from a woman who didn’t have AC in her car for 12 years.

Anyway.

Let me ease into this/wrap my mind around it.

Studying International Relations exposes me to a lot of international … issues. I’ve studied all of thattt. .genocide, politics, economies, war, poverty, blahblahblah

and I think in studying these things, I’ve become really… desensitized? to all of IT. You read about civil war and I automatically start thinking about how it probably crippled their economy, making their economy inefficient, going into debt, being unable to innovate the economy enough to create enough gdp, thus going deeper and deeper into debt and thus needing some western help. the politics behind is probably ridiculous too..but don’t get me started on that………….

You see, your mind glazes over the war part. You hear “hundred thousand refugees” and all you see in your mind is a number. 100,000. 100,000 heads living in a camp. 100,000 lives that need water, CRAP where are they gonna get water from? 100,000 people? you think 200,000[ish] pairs of feet needing shoes. Shoes ->Money->hm, which economy will be lucky enough to get the opportunity to make all those shoes and get freaking rich? 100,000 refugees? Where the hell are they going to GO?! what country is going to have to take them in and house them? Wow they are going to be set back BIG TIME….

Which great mind out there is going to make that fantastic plan on how the “West” is going to solve the issue of world hunger?

Which country is it gonna be this time, to bail another HPIC country out?

You forget that when BBC said “militants opened fire on the crowd gathered in Liberia protesting the new government” that 58% of real people were murdered and their blood was on the streets.

And then, you forget that these 100,000 DEATHS were people, with beating hearts, smiles, voices and stories.

It’s just easier to think of “those people over there” as these passing things…like a fleeting thought.

…and then on a Tuesday night, you’re reviewing over a citizenship test and the conversation topic goes from the job of the judicial branch to why this person is even taking this blasted test and not back home in Liberia.

Stories about refugees don’t become real to you until you MEET one.

I’ve never been OFFENDED by hearing a refugee story…until I heard the story about my friend getting oppressed and persecuted, or about how his son was horribly beaten and is now emotionally unstable and can’t adjust to life here.

His daughter, now 21 was separated from her family for 2 years before being reunited to them, simply because it was too dangerous to go look for her after being separated during the civil war.

His family’s safety depended on the mercy of the UN. Was their story sad enough? Did it invoke enough pity? Was their story horrible enough that they could get out? What about everyone else? What about everyone else who didn’t lose enough family members, who didn’t starve enough, who weren’t beaten enough…what about them?

Working with the kids over at jamestown, you forget where these kids come from. To me, they’re just a buncha little rascals, trying to jump rope with their runny noses and scampering around with their jackets barely hanging onto their elbows. They’re the ANNOYING little punks who won’t let you out the door when you REALLY have to get going, or the charming angels with huge grins that try to get you to give them one more piece of gum.

I guess in a way, I don’t want to know their stories. I don’t want to know what horrific things they experienced…because then I would feel less uncomfortable sitting there in my expensive clothes; ipod in one pocket and cell phone in the other. I could look past their dirty flipflops worn in 30 degree weather, and I could ignore the fact that these children are living in a world that is foreign to them, with parents will be more lost than they are.

…and so it would be easier to teach. it would be easier to teach them and it would certainly be easier to smile.

the wedding from hell.

ok i need to write this down before i forget everything

i just woke up from a dream where apparently, i was getting married. i’m in my dress in the bathroom? with my mom and i ask, “mom, am i getting married to early?”

she says, “no, of course not.”

then I say, “… i just feel like.. maybe i didn’t see what the world has to offer..” then i get really scared  cuz i’m having second thoughts about my HUSBAND! and so im reasoning with myself. ‘what does the world really have to offer?’ ‘the things you may be lo0king for are wordly things, not of God.’ ‘you just don’t want to feel like you’re settling but dating around isn’t what God wants for his children………’

flashforward. i’m at odpc, and the ceremony is happening. i don’t know who the bridesmaids are and i  forget who my husband was. i peek into the sanctuary and see a bunchhhhhhha heugin ppl. strange. I’m walking around in my dress and i realize that the color scheme is RED, PINK and BLUE. the groom and the groomsmen are wearing red, my bouquet is red but my bridesmaids dresses are freaking royal blue. i was pissed.

i hear someone speaking and assume its pstor sam. but no. he’s missing and its phillip park speaking up there. WHY? he’s like making announcements or making up a wedding sermon…but finally, we find pastor sam, he hops up there and we start over.

then! all the sudden we ealize that my dad is missing. WHERE IS MY DAD? the wedding party is making it down the aisle but my dad is no where to be found………….he was taking a nap. he comes up to me and doesn’t say anything about the dress, the way i look…he just stands there while im trying to figure out my veil, which is too tight by the way. shoudl i put it over my face, or not? i decide against it. we start walking. but  not down the aisle. we’re wakling down the outside hallway, down and we wakl through the SIDE DOOR OF THE SANCTUARY. wile we’re doing this im thinkg ‘wtheck!!’

i walk thru the door nd everyone is like ‘aw’, ‘wow’ blahblah. my dad and i make it to hte groom and you’d think there would be this heartfelt ‘giving away’ session but the groom leans over and starts whispering abotu something in my dad’s ear. business? questions? definitely NOT ABOUT THE WEDDING. my dad hands me over, and i’m again, rethinking this wedding. i’m standing there in front of everyone in my really expensive dress, in front of pastor sam, on the arm of this guy i’m not sure about and i’m panicking. should i just faint and put it all on hold? should i just walk out???

it was the wedding from hell.

admission of retardation.

ok so I got back from Durham latttttteee Saturday night [or sunday morning] after a long, treacherous drive that resulted with a wounded baby deer, legs and arms of jelly and lots and lots of blessings resting on me.

anyway, the onething conference was OFFF THE CHAIIN [and i neverr say stuff like that.]

I saw some amazing things and was part of an even MORE amazing thing. I used to hate going to these huge things but now I loveee it. There is nothing better than dancing with a bunch of strangers in the aisles of a church. Really. THERE IS NOTHING BETTER. OH WAIT there IS SOMETHING BETTER. Throw in um. Holy Spirit and………. its game over.

What was crazy about being in that sanctuary this weekend was the thickness and heaviness of the spirit. Like. you walk in and you KNOW the spirit is chilling, spurring us to dance, sing, lift our hands and be completely free.

okok before I sound like I’m saying IHOP is the greatest thing in the world, I should add that yes, there were couple moments throughout the conference where I was taken aback and questioned the way they did things..but hey hey, like my mom always told me, “there are all kinds of people in the world.”

They do what God is leading them to do so even if God isn’t leading me the same direction, its all good.

anyway..worship. it was insane. like it was so intense that it was almost like God was chilling up there on stage, claiming the worship that belongs to him from every individual in that room. it was incredible.

…the huge thing I got from this weekend was the fact that God is calling me to a place where I need to spend more time with him and really dive into the word…or as IHOPers would say “give myself completely to studying the spending time in the word.”

what’s sad about this is that it was basically a reiteration of things I’ve known/have been hearing for…several months now. I’ve received prophesies over this, prayer, interceding messages, convictions, blahblahblah but for SOME reason…it’s been so hard to just accept and DO IT.

I can hear God saying over and over again “come to me. meet with me. let me show you the amazing things I can do through you.” and all variations of it. but……..its so hard. its so hard to embark on the journey.

…i want to write baout it……….. but its too much to write. so nvm. just know, reader, that its hard obeying God wholeheartedly. I get intimidated by whatif’s, maybe’s, and the general unknown…but really, following God is all about just LOVING God for who He was, is, and will be.

So simple.

But I bet 2935023 dollars that I will be back in this smae place again sooner or later.

But Jesus continues to knock knock knock on the door, while I keep praying to him in another room. HAHA how about I just go open the freaking door and welcome him inside?

damn you eve!

this is purely satirical. the fall of man is no joke. anyway.

FREAKING EVE MAN!!

I feel like if Eve had any idea what she would have brought upon us women every month, she woulda freaking stepped on the head of that snake and run the other direction. She wouldn’t have been so freaking selfish and woulda thought about the generations of women that were going to suffer every month of menstrual cramps… don’t get me started on labor. I’m sure some woman out there could write a blog about it.

I AM DYING and ADVIL ISN’T WORKING FAST ENOUGHH.

I usually can’t sympathize with a lot of girls cuz my cramps usually are not that bad but HOLY %^&*()$)(*#$ the pain………….I think I’m ready to cry.

I really want to cry. I think my lower abdomen is on fire. FIREE. DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT FEELS, GUYS?

Ok so guys want to hurl when they get hit in the balls. SOLUTION: DON’T PLAY SPORTS.

IIII DON’T HAVE A SOLUTION! there iS NOTHING I CAN DO. I refuse to go on birth control cuz.. that’s just not natural.

ok. sorry if you are a guy and your view of me has changed forever due to this.  but. this is real. don’t be ignorant.

menstrual cramps are serious biisssness, man!

 

a blessing:

You know what’s a REAL blessing in my life?

That I have a home. Like.. a real home…where I am loved, taken care of, prayed for…

My dad called me yesterday? and in the course of that conversation he said, “Sunhee, can you puhleasseee come home sometime before Thanksgiving?”

At the time, I was all like “oh my gawd appa, I’ll be home for thanksgiving! That’s like. THREE WEEKS AWAAY!”

But then, something happened this week that made me miss my dad so much…

and sitting here thinking about, I am so thankful for my dad [and mom]. I take them for granted alllll the time. I take everything they do for me for granted…and the older I get the more mistakes I see in my past (damn my mom was right about that!)…I used to wish that my parents wouldn’t care about where I was and stuff so I could just play and go out all day but you know what? I am so so so glad that they want to see me at home, and I love how they make a big deal out of the family being together. I love that they come to my room wayyy too early in the morning, and how my dad still demands a kiss from me when he comes home from work.

Parents are awesome. and the cool thing is…I’m learning more and more about their role in their child’s life…and how freaking scary it must be to BE a parent. MAN I am so glad I am their child and not…my parent. I am a crazy person. I hope my kids turn out better than me. HAHA.

Bless their hearts man, they are doing an amazing job. I think a lOT of our parents are doing an awesome job. Parenting sounds sooo scary, annoying, hard, painful… but there they are, parenting away, loving us and supporting us. curraaziness.

Families are meant to be SO MUCH MORE and used SO MUCH MORE than we think. God’s intention of putting a buncha his children together like that is crazy. and cool.

sickly. again.

I wrote a post over the summer about waking up in the morning, randomly mad dizzy. My mom said it was because I’m “so tired.” “Peegohnhae.”

She attributes all sickness to being tired, and I always get all exapserated and all “plEASE MOOMMM” but … I think she’s right.

I haven’t been sleeping well lately…Even though my body is exhausted, sleep just won’t come. I’d be too tired to keep my eyes open to read a book, but not tired enough to fall asleep…Two weeks ago, I ran on maybe 4? hours of sleep a night…but then last week, I would fall asleep at 4 and wake up at 10. DO THE MATH, that’s like, 6 hours of sleep a night. Then again, two nights ago, I got only 3 hours of sleep and decided to stay up til 4 last night. ANYWAY, with the exception of last night, you’d think 6 hours of sleep is enough but ……. I guess it’s not, considering the fact that I woke up this morning with that dizzy spell AGAAIINN.

It was like 8? and Haemi woke me up [cuz I asked her to! thanks!] but … I don’t remember falling back asleep…then at 8:30, my alarm goes off. I remember hearing a beeping sound [yah that's not my alarm sound], and getting up…but I don’t remember going BACK to bed. My body wakes up a 10:20, and I hop out of bed, only to be overcome by the familiar dizziness. eff.

Long story short,

missed all my classes and took two naps today. 11-3, 5:30-6:30.

I still feel like crap, and I feel like my eyes are going to fall if my eyelids don’t close again right now. and the mohmssal? blah.

…but frankly, this sounds crazy, but sometimes, I like feeling tired and overworked. It reminds me that I’m getting things done? It makes me feel alive? I dunno. But… I need to change.

Moral: GET YOUR SLEEP! HAVE A HEALTHY SLEEP SCHEDULE!

Freshman year, I carried on like this and I was fine. At 20, this is not fine.

sorry for the boring post.

Hm.

I am not a extrovert. Being an extrovert is merely wishful thinking.

I don’t care what tests say, what people say. I NEEEDDD alone time more than I need to be around people. Being around people tire me out. Sometimes, it’s awesome, just because yeah, we need community, but for the most part, it’s exhausting. Community? I can’t get enough of it. But.. there’s isn’t.. ENOUGH of it. But yes. people. oyyyy. get away.

omg I don’t know how I’m going to be married.

Speaking of which, I was telling this to haems, but the more time I spend with non-Korean christians, the more I can’t see myself married to a Korean guy or staying in the Korean Christian culture/society/cult. But then again, when I think of Korean culture/society, I only think about the bad things. I hate the social constricts that a lot of Korean-Americans create for themselves (including me). Ridic. I’m getting heated so… I’m just gonna stop now. But really. Korean culture [the bad stuff] is crippling many of us from growing up and achieving THINGS. ANYTHING. It’s the things you don’t give a second thought about… speaking up in class, socializing in a group, how you perceive yourself…OH and CONFORMITY. holy crap we are ALL about conformity, social norms, following the crowd. holy crap it makes me wanna throw up when I sit and really think about.

I wanna be done with itttt.

If you have a blog…humor me. :) do it!

BOREDD.. and.. procrastinating………….

1. Where is your cell phone? to my right.

2. Your hair? short and wiry. it is. hate it if you want.

3. Your mother? taught me many things

4. Your father? is frustrating

5. Your favorite food? sushi

6. Your dream last night? it was sad.

7. Your favorite drink? sweet tea, diet coke

8. Your dream/goal? raise healthy, thriving, God-seeking kids {oh and save the world}

9. What room are you in? bed room.

10. Your hobby? thinking about how to spend money and then flushing it down the toilet.

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? not at home.

13. Where were you last night? foxridge…………

14. Something that you aren’t? wise.

15. Muffins? scones!

16. Wish list item? a new bumper for samson

17. Where did you grow up? centreville

18. Last thing you did? try to track down this song… failed.

19. What are you wearing? my new purple boxers with crowns and lions in mustard yellow.

20. Your TV? sweeet.

21. Your pets? loveddd.

22. Friends? appreciated?

23. Your life? is too chaotic at the moment.

24. Your mood? content

25. Missing someone? sometimes yes, sometimes no.

26. Vehicle? a P.O.S j.k. i love you samson.

27. Something you’re not wearing? makeup?

28. Your favorite store? bed bath and beyond. no joke.

29. Your favorite color? green!

30. When was the last time you laughed? an hour ago maybe

31. Last time you cried? don’t remember

32. Your best friend? where the hell is she?

33. One place that I go to over and over? that conversation topic that makes peoples’ ears bleed.

34. One person who emails me regularly? JNSR, BEETCHES.

35. Favorite place to eat? owens. not cuz it’s good, but becuz it.. is. owens.

OK DO IT, willis, sooj, haems, jennifer, cindy, oppa…and whoever else read this!

PURE GRACE.

Ok I jUST posted. but after I posted I was kinda just sitting here feeling overwhelmed with worry for people, feeling terrible about my leadership, tired, anxious…to the point where I was just like “WHERE IS MY BIBLEEEEEE I NEED MY BIIBLLLLEEEE!!!” (but just in my head.)

Have you ever felt that way? This like desperate need to just be in the Word?

So I like grab my bible quickly, slam it on my desk and think, “PLEASE GOD, give me something good…”

Where do I go? PSALM. DUH.

First Psalm I turn to:

Psalm 20

For the director of music. A psalm of David.

¹ May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.

² May he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.

³ May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings.
Selah

⁴ May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.

⁵ We will shout for joy when you are victorious
and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the LORD grant all your requests.

⁶ Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed;
he answers him from his holy heaven
with the saving power of his right hand.

⁷ Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

⁸ They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.

⁹ O LORD, save the king!
Answer ^[a] us when we call!

thankyou jesus.